I am 25. I am a proud cat momma. I have a college degree. I have a job I love going to everyday. my family is close and wonderful. my friendships are so fulfilling. I enjoy volunteering with my church. I lead a ladies Bible study. I just bought a house! I enjoy running and baking cookies, and wish they could be simultaneous events. and I am single.literally what feels like the most defining part of me most days is that final, tiny piece of my life- my relationship status. this post is not an advice column for "What Every Single Person Should Do", nor is it a complaint of WHY ME?! instead, it's a musing on the stages of being single as observed by me. disclaimer- I'm a lady, so I can only speak from the lady experience. in addition, I'm a Christ follower, so I can't speak to the nature of the "hook-up culture" style of being single.
the Stages of Singlehood (*as experienced by me and maybe no one else but that's okay)
1. freedom!
ahhh. like taking off your bra the moment you get home, or sliding into bed every night. it feels so refreshing after needing to put your "best face forward" for so long in a relationship, to just be you. be every cliche in the book about being young, wild, and free. except my wild was more of the "watch Netflix till you almost die and eat a lot of ice cream" sort.
2. rebound
why am I single? I love dating. I loved being a girlfriend. I will be anyone's girlfriend. you there, homeless man! I will date you. you don't want to date? why? oh I'M needy? okay. fair. but seriously, don't just date to date. heal.
3. self reflection
perhaps the longest of any stage, and for good reason. I have never learned more about myself than I have in these past 4 years, nor did I ever think I would be so interesting! people around me would say how "you have to love yourself before you can love someone else" and they were right. I learned not only what ticks me off, but also how to realize realistic expectations- for myself and others. one of the things I love learning the most is doing chores while living alone. if I don't do it, no one does.
4. getting back into "the scene"
ha. ha ha. my experience with this stage is people watching at bars while going out with friends. I know it's possible, but I just don't see Jesus having me meet my future spouse while having beers spilled on your feet and an old man touching your butt. congratulations if that is your "how we met" story! I would love to hear that.
5. happiness- but not contentedness
which leads me to where I seem to have ended up. as a Christian, I can't help but feel the "pressure" of being single. I am constantly told the following by well-meaning (Christian) family and friends-
"how are YOU still single?"
"enjoy this time while you can!"
"God has His own timing"
"I know a recently single guy!"
"have you tried online dating?"
"are you seeing anyone yet?"
"Gage needs cousins!" (true).
I've been prayed over by women who want the best for me and know my heart longs for a godly relationship. I've learned to spend my time serving others to focus my energy on something outside of myself. I try to enjoy every evening of "me time" while it lasts. I even do crazy things like signing up for foster parent training & wearing leggings as pants because I can. I am happy with everything God has given to me- but I'm longing for contentedness. I'm also a little scared. mostly that my friends are all in this stage of life without me- engagements, weddings, pregnancies- and I don't want to be left behind. the beautiful part of this is all the intelligent, gorgeous, godly women God has brought into my life this past year who are also single.
this, to me, is the ultimate stage because I'm finally seeing that it's not about what I can do- not about me going out and meeting guys, not about my friend who has a friend who was also single until she was 29 and 3/4 years old and then bam marriage, and not about my wild and crazy freedom- it's about surrendering in all things so I can let God do His thing.
which is way harder than it sounds.
