This Old House

I'm finally almost finished with the current renovations I'm doing on our (new to us) home that was built in 1949. When this home came up on the market, I stalked pictures of it online searching for an idea of what to expect on the inside as it was initially only listed as "Coming Soon" with one exterior picture only. I found a few pictures from when it was last sold in 2012 and was instantly excited to see it- thinking, unless they've done something awful to it the house looked good! Spoiler alert- there was stuff done to it 😆This house was the second one I had made an offer on, and I wanted the other house I had offered on more than this one- but I am so glad it worked out the way it did. Especially because I had sold our house and needed to be out ASAP. I am so grateful to my realtor who helped me visualize taking out all the furniture and starting from scratch with my own things and touches- and then I was able to really think of this as our future home. 

I bought this house "As Is", agreeing that unless there were major issues with the inspection I would still buy it and not ask for any repairs to be made. I definitely didn't know what I was getting into with this fixer-upper, but I feel like I'm pretty capable and decided to use the profit from selling my first home to do as many updates as I could at this time. Not only so the house would be comfortable and great for us, but also for future re-sale value (a woman has to be smart, never know when change will happen again!) 

I'll go through room by room with before and after pictures and give an idea of the work that was done.

 

g a r a g e

Things I did-

Ripped up the old (possibly abestos) tile flooring

Power washed and de-greased the concrete floor

Painted the subwall and floor

Epoxy coated the floor

Painted the stairwell

Painted the garage door

Found and painted a free wooden step on FB Marketplace to use for the back porch door

Finally finished covering all that green paint and painted the cabinet 😅

Things I hired out-

Painted the walls and ceiling

New garage door and opener (thanks Dad/Eli/Martha)

Replace the interior and exterior doors

l i v i n g  r o o m

Things I did- 

Ripped up the carpet squares and old flooring tacks

Painted the fireplace and trim

Removed million year old wall mirror and 79 nails from walls

Tor2 out old window treatments

Tried unsuccessfully to wire new outlets (succeeded on 1)

Installed "built-in" IKEA bookshelves

Painted the hallway walls and ceiling

Things I hired out-

Painted the walls and ceilings

Installation of vinyl plank flooring

Fireplace and chimney repair to make it use-able after 9+ years

New windows (for the whole house too)

Exterior door replaced

Electrical work- replacing 2 prong outlets with grounded outlets, new light switches

k i t c h e n  /  d i n i n g  r o o m

Can you tell it's the room I'm the most proud of??

Things I did-

Primed and painted the cabinets and hardware (Graham helped)

Painted the countertops

Installed wallpaper backsplash

Demolished (with Dad's help) the old cabinet with stovetop/oven in it

Replaced all appliances (goodbye avocado green!)

Painted the trim

Painted the built-in

Painted the French doors (also thanks to Martha)

Found a table, chairs and bench set on FB marketplace for a great price

Installed a "locker" area by the back door with a bench for shoes, hanging racks for our bags/coats and "command center"

Things I hired out-

Flooring (same as living room)

Electrical work- needed to remove the wiring for the previous stovetop/oven and install new wiring for fridge, stove and microwave

New light fixtures and ceiling fan installed

Plumbing- installed reverse osmosis system and fridge water line, new sink and faucet, removed disposal 

Painting of the walls and ceilings

b e d r o o m s 

Things I did-

Painted both bedrooms (Eli did the high parts of B's room)

Replaced the 50 year-old window treatments in both bedrooms

Tore down the awnings blocking all the gorgeous natural light from outside

Things I hired out-

Painting of the ceilings and trim (so. much. painting.)

New ceiling fan light fixtures installed

b a t h r o o m 

Things I did-

Fixed the toilet

Basically nothing hahah. Waiting on my estimate for renovating the whole thing, not in a huge hurry because it all works fine- just needs a facelift!

b a c k y a r d

Things I did-

Power washed the back patio

Burned a million stray sticks left all over the property in that handy fireplace 

Things I hired out-

Moving her playhouse (thank you Perrysburg Movers!)

New swingset (Playground World)

The last thing to be finished is the basement- I'll give it its' own little post when that's finished, because I'm excited for it and because it's still not done 😜 It's been fun actually getting to choose my own things for this house, even though I simultaneously hate spending money and worry about that all the time. But bit by bit we've been making this home comfy and ours and I love this journey!

Layers

5 years ago, I had just bought my home and it was just me. I don't remember what I did with most of my time, but I know I was somehow always busy.

I feel very strongly that you do *not* have to be a parent or have children to learn everything you need to know or experience everything there is in life. But for me, it has changed and shaped me into the person I am. A person very different from who I was 5 years ago.

Every day, I parent through layers.

Top layer is single mom Lexi. It is the plainly visible to most, outermost, and biggest impact portion of my parenting. It means there is no "break" without arranging one days or weeks in advance, then spending that entire "break" wondering how B is doing, sometimes getting calls from her reporting how she's doing, and basically not resting at all. It means I never get to drop the mental load of scheduling appointments, cleaning our house, figuring out what skills I should be teaching her next, staying on top of medical issues, always having an answer for questions like "when are you getting married, why don't I have a dad, when will I have a daddy?" It means often being called a superhero or rock star while feeling like I just want help.

Then there's transracial parent Lexi. WAP, as I'm known as in online groups. White adoptive parent. Un-learning racist beliefs I have held since I was a child, and having to do it in a hurry because I didn't do this work before I became the parent of a Black child. Teaching family and friends about micro-aggressions, impact versus intent, and how to see race. Taking B to hair salons that will surround her with other Black people, for racial mirrors and also because that's where her hair is best taken care of. Recognizing how to care for her skin and her hair and empowering her to learn this as well. Learning what ballet classes are filled with only white children and then B, and seeking out ones that are different. Constantly looking for homes in a different neighborhood and school district where she can have peers who look like her. Being disappointed daily by family members and friends who ‘don’t see color’ or call me a ‘promoter of racial division’ for speaking passionately about racial equity. Feeling regret that having a Black daughter is what spurred on a lot of changes in me, while knowing I should have changed even without her.

Finally- the big one- the undermost layer. Adoptive mom Lexi. The second mom Brooklyn ever knew. AMom, as she may someday call me. Struggling to walk the line between sadness and joy, on a daily basis, because B is my daughter only because I had privileges, support and resources her first mom never did. Texting and visiting with her first family as much as we can because that's what B deserves. Hearing "adoption is such a blessing!" and cringing so hard because it's a loss, a death of a life B would otherwise be living, in another part of our town with different people, who look like her and share her bloodline. It means I get the huge GIFT of my daughter while holding onto the large job of teaching her about her biological family. It means hoping all along that I'm doing the right things, building her connections enough, sharing our lives together in a way that honors her family, while also building our life together.

I never thought about these layers when I pictured my life 5 years down the line, years ago. I now have no choice- I can’t decide to strip off any of the layers for a day. So when people acknowledge that single parenting must be hard and they could never do it, I usually just nod- and think of the layers.

Preschool options in the Toledo area

 Whew, preschool! The years are creeping up on me. B will turn 4 soon and technically I guess she could have started preschool last year, but she has been at a great in-home sitter for the last 2 1/2 years and I wasn't in a hurry to change that. Her sitter is my best friend's mom and has been caring for kids for years, B's best friends also go there, she deals with my flexible/changing schedule with no complaints, and B is well-loved and cared for. 

However, my smarty-pants girl has been needing a challenge and I decided it was time to get serious about finding a preschool option for her since she won't be starting kindergarten for another year and a half. Below I listed the places I looked into, and some of the information I gathered about each place (tuition is a big one- don't hide your prices, be transparent!)

Ideally, I was looking for-

• Full day (what is with preschools and their 2 1/2 hour programs?? Who does that work well for!)
• Affordable (this is obviously different for every person- for me I was looking for less than $150 a week)
• Diverse (I would love diversity in all areas, ability/race/culture/religion/age, but the primary thing I was seeking was other children of color)
• Logical location (not too far away from home or my office, for whenever I go back to working from there)
• COVID precautions (I was afraid of sending her into a huge classroom with tons of new peers and how it would be handled, but also dreaded her having to wear a mask allll day long at 4 years old)

Montessori Day School is a Christian program located in Toledo on Bancroft St. Their rate for 4 half days a month is $465. They offer mornings or afternoons, with the times offered 8:15-11:15 or 11:30-2:30. Their classrooms are multi-age- they value diversity, but informed me their enrollment is currently all white.

Toledo Christian School is a Christian program located in Toledo off the Anthony Wayne Trail. Their rate for Monday-Friday full-day, 8AM-3PM preschool is $6,800 for the school year. They now have a $500 scholarship available, but it is offered to current students before newly enrolling students and no other financial assistance is available. After hours care is available for $4 per hour.

Maumee Valley Country Day School is a private preschool-12th grade campus in Toledo off Reynolds Rd. Their cost for full-day, 8AM-3PM preschool is $17,500 for the school year. I chose to look into MVCDS because their website states "We are proud that our students come from many different communities, different types of families, and a wide range of economic backgrounds, comprising a student body that represents the rich diversity of our region". This was encouraging to me! The diversity of their student body was great to see during the tour, and the children spend most of their time outside even in the winter, which I loved. After my tour there, I was told financial assistance is only available up to 50% off tuition at this level- so, more than $8,750 for the school year. After care is available for $7 per hour.

Trinity Lutheran is a Christian program on Heatherdowns in Toledo. The cost for half-day, Monday-Friday preschool is $2,600 for the school year- if you pay in full for the year you can receive a 3% discount. There are also additional registration/milk fees. Their sessions are 8:15-11:15 or 12:15-3:15. They do combined age classrooms in the preschool. I asked about the diversity of the student body and was told "we have a diverse student population, one child is even Indonesian with the most beautiful hair". Maybe don't equate race with beauty! I do know several people who are happy there, so hopefully it was just an off-hand remark that will be learned from. After care is available for $4.50 per hour. 

Maumee Public School is our local public school system. The cost of their half-day, Monday-Friday program is $230 a month. They offer financial assistance through the Early Childhood Education grant for 4 year-olds- an idea of the income requirements to qualify for that can be found here (we do not qualify). Their hours are 8:30-11:15 or 12:30-3:15. I know Maumee as a whole has a low population of non-white students, but I do not have statistics on this. This was our second best option, as it would get B into the local school district experience, it's very close to us, and she has been asking to go there forever. I would have to use my lunch break everyday to pick her up, take her to the sitter's, and go back to work. Not ideal.

YMCA Childcare has several sites around the Toledo area. I was looking into this option right before the pandemic started, since they had a site in an elementary school close to my work. They also offer scholarships to people who have been denied Job & Family Services assistance (us)- however, when I called to ask about this they informed me that since their enrollment is down due to COVID-19, they are not offering financial assistance at this time and it would be a case-by-case basis in the future. Their rate for full-time care is $180/week for members and $200/week nonmembers. I forgot to ask about their curriculum/diversity (although the latter likely relies on which site you choose).

Carnation ELC was recommended to me by a few people- it's a newer childcare site on Reynolds Rd. in Toledo. They're open year-round, and the cost for full-time care is $167/week (this could change). The staff follows strict COVID-19 protocols, and the children are able to pursue interest-based learning. 

Toledo Day Nursery is a year-round program located in downtown Toledo on Jefferson Ave. They use a sliding scale fee, based on JFS guidelines, and charge you based on your income. For us, the weekly cost for full-time, full-day preschool would likely be $130. They are a small site with one classroom and low ratios due to COVID-19. They use Creative Curriculum (what I used to teach when I taught preschool years ago). Their current student enrollment is majority Black, although their staff is all white. 

What I found through this search was-

• Preschool programs tend to be aimed at families where a family member stays at home and is easily able to drop off/pick up for half day schedules
• Costs tended to trend around $6,500-$10,000 for a SCHOOL year's worth of preschool- now add in the cost of a summer program also 😳
• Diversity is reliant on the area the program is located in- which I guess isn't a surprise, but was definitely a priority for me to seek out racial mirrors for B
• Costs and financial assistance are kept under wraps in many cases. This was the main reason I decided to blog about this, both to capture the research I did in case it helps someone else but also to actually list out the fees. I continue to wish finances were openly discussed and not some "taboo" topic and I will keep dropping the number bombs until this happens!
• ONE program out of all the ones I contacted actually said "we base our fee on YOUR income". This is what I was really looking for- I don't even want to under-value the worth of early childhood educators, but I cannot rationalize going into debt for tuition that I simply cannot afford.