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| Bee's mom asked me to take pictures of her in this tutu for her- I happily obliged :) |
I love blogging because it gives me a look into my thoughts at a specific time in my life, and I enjoy reflecting on these months and years later. this has been especially true from the time of my last post until now.
thanks to one of my besties for giving me the heads up about Sia's "To Be Human" from the new Wonder Woman movie- I love all Sia songs and kept listening to this one this past week, enjoying the music but also really loving the line in the chorus- "to be human is to love, even when it gets too much, I'm not ready to give up". I've been learning a lot about love these past few months with my latest foster placement, Bee. when she first came to me it was hard not to compare her to Baby A, and I wasn't sure how I would ever love a baby the same way. all I can say is- God worked so well in my heart. I love her unconditionally, wholeheartedly, and unashamedly.
this also means that I keep in mind she could go home. I'm guilty of attaching hard to people, relationships, and Bee is no exception but now I know how much babies need that, and I feel blessed that God made me so loving and has placed her (and Baby A for a time) in my life to give them that strong bond. however, if Bee is ever in a position where it is safe and healthy for her to go home, I'm going to know that I did what she needed and she is going where God wants her.
"even when it gets too much"- even when we're both sick, when my workload feels like it will never slow down or catch up, when I have issues in my personal life to deal with- I'm here loving her, giving her the best that I can, and she is doing SO well. I know it's not a coincidence that this baby is thriving, smiles constantly, laughs, cooes, sleeps through the night. it's love helping her feel attached and safe, so she can grow.
since I became a foster parent, a huge concern of mine is that it's "taken over" my life. I stress about what I post on social media, are people going to think I have no life besides Bee, is it annoying that it's all I post about- the list goes on and on. but at the end of the day, I'm relaxing here on my porch with the breeze blowing over me writing this post while Bee kicks her piano exercise mat, and I feel proud and unashamed of the direction my life has taken. I'm Lexi- I love God and am loved by Him, a daughter, a sister, a niece, an aunt, a friend to many and a best friend to a few wonderful people, a hard worker, a good employee, a coffee drinker and cookie eater, a semi-committed gym-goer, a (primarily only at home) singer, a college graduate, a Netflix addict- and I'm also a foster parent while doing all of these things. I won't give up on any of these things.
