Kalvin & Co.

a week from now, we will be partying it up and dancing the night away after my great friends Jaclyn and Dylan say "they do" in front of everybody who loves them. I (mostly) packed mine and Bee's stuff for the trip tonight, and since I’ve been feeling all the feels about the upcoming celebration and figured words on an internet screen was the best way to get it out.

Jaclyn has been in my life since 2010. she started working at Cracker Barrel as a server with me my freshman year of college, and second year working there personally. we started off as acquaintances who both went to BGSU and worked at the same place, and slowly started hanging out with a group of coworkers more and more. that year there were lots of college parties/ Cracker Barrel parties we went to together along with Twilight movies. that winter, I remember vividly getting a phone call from our mutual friend at CB, Jess, that something had happened- Jaclyn had ended things with her boyfriend, and needed us to be there for her. I drove as fast as I could in the snow to her apartment and we all sat around crying and laughing together. from then on, we were besties.

there were countless meet-ups on campus to get food together, nights I would call and ask to stay at her apartment so I wouldn't have to drive home just to come back 9 hours later, and more movie nights. we took lots of pictures at bars together with sad faces since we were the youngest of our coworkers and always the DD/ sober ones.

that fall of our junior (/senior for me) year, I met Dylan. I had been dating a guy since right before I graduated high school, and he went to the University of Alabama. I had visited him a couple times and had a trip planned to go there in October 2011 to celebrate my 21st birthday there with him. I have few good memories of this time of my life and even fewer good memories of this trip, but I do remember meeting a blonde guy from Florida who smiled a lot. we became Facebook friends and I would chuckle at his "dad jokes" and The Office quotes he would post from time to time. not too much longer after that, my relationship ended and I deleted most reminders (and people) from that time of my life from Facebook.

in the spring of 2012 when I was newly single, I had all the time in the world for girlfriends- Jaclyn was one of my only girlfriends who stuck with me through that awful relationship, even going on double dates with her boyfriend at the time and mine, tolerating his toxic effect on me and still being my friend. she quickly let me be their 3rd wheel whenever possible and always had her eye out for single guys for me. we also worked together not only at Cracker Barrel, but at Classroom Technology Services where I got her a job for the end of our college careers together. needless to say we spent a lot of time together- Jaclyn has always had the best sense of humor, the ability to tell me "no, you're wrong about this" or "absolutely you should feel that way!" and her ability to be my sounding board has been such a gift. our college years were full of gym dates, texts about what kind of pizza we're getting, me seeing people who looked like her, turning 21 together and drinking at dinner just the two of us, photo and video shoots for people we worked with, and always laughter.

by the summer of 2013, our lives were looking quite different from college days. I was working and living in my first big girl apartment on my own, and Jaclyn was starting her Master's program at BGSU. Her trip to London was an exciting topic and just before that, she asked to move in with me because her relationship had just ended. I had an extra bedroom and Jaclyn was still one of my best friends, so it made perfect sense! when our lease ended in January, we had found a house to move to in Bowling Green so Jaclyn could be closer to school, and we would have more space.

this is where our story hit its' climactic part- Lexi's imperfections + Jaclyn's imperfections + living together = a friendship ended. we were younger, I was super passive aggressive and mean, and things came to a head when she was moving to Chicago for the summer for her work and needed to sublet her share of the house. I got a new place to live quickly and we never really said goodbye- we just said mean things to each other.

from the spring of 2014 to the fall of 2016, I missed her.

I saw her family in Meijer from time to time and it was like seeing your ex-boyfriend's family members-I'd turn and hide. I'd hear from my other friends that they saw her and she'd dyed her hair. I'd hear from her aunt who still works at Cracker Barrel that she'd seen her at Thanksgiving.

I'd remind myself of our fights and what I said and what she said and how wrong she was (but also would realize each time how awful I had been). I still had other best friends and they were wonderful (and still are) but I missed her. I was in my friend's wedding in the late summer of 2016 and posted "the last of my best friends is married!" and I still missed her.

I saw sometime in early 2016 that she had started a blog. I saw this because I still stalked her Instagram all the time. I would eagerly await her latest blog posts because I could pretend that I was still a part of her life. and sometime in there, she Facebook messaged me and asked "do you remember that Dylan guy you met in Alabama, Chris' friend?" I did indeed, and we briefly messaged about it.

on her blog, she referred to him as "Mystery Man" ;) and I learned that they had met through her best friend from high school who was working with him in St. Louis, and they met in her favorite city, Chicago, on New Year's Eve. how romantic! I read that they had started a long distance relationship and that not too long in, they got to be much closer when his work took him to Michigan. I also read about her awkward Uber encounters and work trips and laughed and remembered the funny girl I used to call my friend.

months went by, and through a serious of random Facebook messages about what a small world it is how she's dating Dylan, questions about people we used to know, and chatting about life in general, we decided to meet up for an IKEA and sandwiches date. I was thrilled. we met, we hugged, we talked for hours and just like that I got my friend back.

I was in the process of becoming a foster parent and she was SO supportive. even though she now lived an hour away, we planned out trips for me to come visit them and trips they would come see me. they came to meet my first foster baby when she was a week old, and they supported me when she was moved. we went out for dinner together just days before my future daughter was born, when my life felt upside down with the loss of my first baby still so fresh I was in need of a distraction.

just a few weeks later the inevitable happened- Dylan messaged me a picture of the ring. I was SO touched that he thought enough of me and my friendship with Jaclyn (and him!) that he sent that to me. weeks later during their Memorial Day trip I could stop keeping the secret and cheer them on! they met me at my favorite coffee shop for one of our hang-outs and I got asked what I thought I had forever lost out on- being Jaclyn's bridesmaid.

the last year has been filled with Pinterest browsing, wedding dress shopping trips, texts about not loving said wedding dress and reassuring that it's totally fine to buy another dress, pictures sent back and forth, discussions about itineraries, and that's just the wedding part of it! it's also been filled with coffee dates at my house which means the world to me since being a single parent means I treasure people coming to just be with us in our own house sometimes. more sandwich dates. more dinner dates. Christmas celebrations with brunch. even a trip to Florida to meet Dylan's family and introduce Bee to the ocean- a trip they made SO relaxing for us by helping with Bee in every way possible since they knew our recent solo trip was hard on me.

Jaclyn is strong (and strong-willed), independent, super intelligent, a comic, self-starting and self-made, gorgeous.

Dylan is kind, a protector, polite through and through, a hard worker, knows the right thing to say at the right time, and has a great beard.

together- they are an adventuring couple who I live vicariously through as they travel to Las Vegas, Iceland, Colorado, Niagara Falls, and soon GREECE- my freaking dream vacation!!! but in their downtime, they are the most down-to-earth people around. they have shown my Bee the best kind of aunt and uncle imaginable. they support me and spur me on to make changes in my own life. I cannot WAIT to spend our coming weekend celebrating them!

but- I'm also terribly sad. my sweet friend Jaclyn is amazing and was snagged by a great job that requires a move down South. I heard her telling Bee while we were in Florida that she'd be Skyping her lots, and it took all of me not to cry right there. I'm not an overly emotional person, but it is definitely hard to picture not seeing Jaclyn and Dylan every month and I especially wish they could be here when Bee finally gets to be adopted. looks like we'll have to go celebrate it with them by taking a trip there 🍑! we love you J & D!

parenting my (almost) daughter

my little girl is a toddler, suddenly, and I'm trying to adjust to it while also really loving it. I've had a jumble of thoughts going around most days that prevent me from blogging because nothing is clear or well thought out, but I want to record some of what's going on in this stage of life even so. her adoption is looming so close yet so far away still, which weighs on me daily because I know I'm her mom but I'm not yet, not legally, and I can't wait till it's official.

when I graduated college 6 years ago (gross), I started working immediately after as a preschool teacher in a Head Start classroom. it was not the right fit for me and I only lasted 2 years there, but I honestly did learn a lot during that short career. the main thing I learned that I still use almost daily is Conscious Discipline, how we handled behaviors and emotions in the classroom. the basic concept is "what you focus on is what you get more of". if you point out all the things little ones shouldn't be doing- running in the classroom, hitting each other, yelling, you tend to get more of that because that's what you're reminding them of and spending your time and energy focusing on. when you focus on their strengths- when they shared a toy, when they helped a friend get something, when they walked around the classroom, they were continually hearing the positive and what they can continue to do to be helpful. (I also use this with my friends/ family/ coworkers ;) )

so on Sunday, when I had Bee and 2 other little ones under the age of 2, I did a lot more firm voice/ sternness/ correction than I wanted to and what do you know- I got lots of not listening, crying, and overall "bad behaviors". I realized this midway through the day, stopped, and just gave each girl a long hug and took some deep breaths with them. the rest of the day wasn't perfect, but it was a whole lot better.

this stage of toddlerhood is teaching me sooo much about managing expectations- daily teaching them new skills to help them become an independent person, but also having to realize what they're capable of grasping and not quite ready to do. every morning I struggle with Bee trying to touch my hot straightener, unrolling the toilet paper while I'm washing my face, climbing my vanity while I try to put on make-up, and running from me when it's time to get her clothes on. I posted recently on Instagram that we leave our house looking like someone broke in (and there was a struggle) because I have to just rush us out the door every morning feeling frazzled. I have to force myself to look at the problem, identify what I want more of, and find a solution.

for the straightener, it's to hang a shelf in my room higher than she can reach where it can rest while I'm using it (although she is a smarty and knows how to unplug and plug things into outlets, so HELP). for the toilet paper, it's firmly letting her know toilet paper is for the potty only and moving her to something she can play with or a book to read. for climbing the vanity, it's holding her on my lap and handing her make-up brushes she can use, and for running, it's playing chase and tickle to make a game of it so she wants to come back to me and then I can quickly alligator wrestle her into clothes.

do I remember my solutions every single morning, take calming breaths, never raise my voice, and fart glitter rainbows? no, no, nope and duh. but I try, my hardest, and then try again the next day. this parenting thing is a marathon and every day is a practice run- I'm loving watching my girl and her sprints.