parenting my (almost) daughter

my little girl is a toddler, suddenly, and I'm trying to adjust to it while also really loving it. I've had a jumble of thoughts going around most days that prevent me from blogging because nothing is clear or well thought out, but I want to record some of what's going on in this stage of life even so. her adoption is looming so close yet so far away still, which weighs on me daily because I know I'm her mom but I'm not yet, not legally, and I can't wait till it's official.

when I graduated college 6 years ago (gross), I started working immediately after as a preschool teacher in a Head Start classroom. it was not the right fit for me and I only lasted 2 years there, but I honestly did learn a lot during that short career. the main thing I learned that I still use almost daily is Conscious Discipline, how we handled behaviors and emotions in the classroom. the basic concept is "what you focus on is what you get more of". if you point out all the things little ones shouldn't be doing- running in the classroom, hitting each other, yelling, you tend to get more of that because that's what you're reminding them of and spending your time and energy focusing on. when you focus on their strengths- when they shared a toy, when they helped a friend get something, when they walked around the classroom, they were continually hearing the positive and what they can continue to do to be helpful. (I also use this with my friends/ family/ coworkers ;) )

so on Sunday, when I had Bee and 2 other little ones under the age of 2, I did a lot more firm voice/ sternness/ correction than I wanted to and what do you know- I got lots of not listening, crying, and overall "bad behaviors". I realized this midway through the day, stopped, and just gave each girl a long hug and took some deep breaths with them. the rest of the day wasn't perfect, but it was a whole lot better.

this stage of toddlerhood is teaching me sooo much about managing expectations- daily teaching them new skills to help them become an independent person, but also having to realize what they're capable of grasping and not quite ready to do. every morning I struggle with Bee trying to touch my hot straightener, unrolling the toilet paper while I'm washing my face, climbing my vanity while I try to put on make-up, and running from me when it's time to get her clothes on. I posted recently on Instagram that we leave our house looking like someone broke in (and there was a struggle) because I have to just rush us out the door every morning feeling frazzled. I have to force myself to look at the problem, identify what I want more of, and find a solution.

for the straightener, it's to hang a shelf in my room higher than she can reach where it can rest while I'm using it (although she is a smarty and knows how to unplug and plug things into outlets, so HELP). for the toilet paper, it's firmly letting her know toilet paper is for the potty only and moving her to something she can play with or a book to read. for climbing the vanity, it's holding her on my lap and handing her make-up brushes she can use, and for running, it's playing chase and tickle to make a game of it so she wants to come back to me and then I can quickly alligator wrestle her into clothes.

do I remember my solutions every single morning, take calming breaths, never raise my voice, and fart glitter rainbows? no, no, nope and duh. but I try, my hardest, and then try again the next day. this parenting thing is a marathon and every day is a practice run- I'm loving watching my girl and her sprints.