these things take time

I ran out of cat litter. not an unusual occurrence or major problem. however, my new job (I feel funny calling it a job. it's actually my career) anyways it has me on the road a lot. like over 500 miles a month a lot. so I wasn't thrilled to have to make the trip to Perrysburg to buy cat litter tonight when my day had already been Rossford to Bowling Green to Rossford to Bowling Green to Perrysburg to Rossford.

but then- it happened.

it's so beautiful outside tonight. the breeze is light but it's still warm enough to be comfortable. the sky is gorgeous. I decided my drive would take me past the country club where I worked for 2 summers. I steered my car through the familiar curves I drove countless times to get to my 5:30 & 6AM summer shifts on the golf course. I remembered how simple but frustrating life was then, even though it was only a few years ago.

'it' is my happiness with my life. my feeling of peace and literally feeling like my heart can't contain more good feelings inside it. I realize all too often all I see and talk about are the negative things but that's only a side effect of sinful life. that soul consuming happiness is the entirety of my life; if I keep letting it in. I wish I could bottle up this beautiful wind outside and smell of the summer night and keep it. I'd open it on a night someday in the future when I'm exhausted from answering a million 'why?' questions from my 3 year-old, or the morning I'm feeling ticked that someone else is always making me late.

I want to remember this time in my life forever. I can't imagine a time when 23 will seem sooooo young and far away, but when it comes I hope I remember how ridiculously beautiful and wonderful my life was then.

I'm healthy
I provide for myself
I have the best friends who love me for my good and in spite of my bad
I have family who is always there for me
I have a career I love and feel good at
and I'm happy.