my 2018 personal ad

single white female. seeks single *any ethnicity* male. for long talks to quickly figure out if it's something worth pursuing because I AM OLD.

I remember looking through the personal ads at my grandma's house in the newspaper when I realized that they were. I tried to figure out what the acronyms meant and marveled at the "missed connections" section, wondering how people would ever know if they were the person in the produce aisle you smiled at a week ago.

lately, I've been thinking more and more about this whole single life I've lived for most of my adult years now. as a mom now, it adds a whole other layer to dating which I'm well aware of and know I made the choice to become- but it doesn't meant I don't want or deserve a partner nonetheless!

as a woman, a thought in my mind all the time is I want someone to pursue me. I want someone to take interest, make an effort, and go out of their way to let me know they're interested in me. as a woman in 2018, I fear this is never going to happen. many of my friends have also made it clear they would not be married now if they had waited for this to happen ;) but, I have a bold personality type and take charge in most situations and dream of being able to not have to take charge in this one (albeit major) role.

I've tried online dating. I'm not a huge fan. I have actually gone on a couple of dates in the last year and they were perfectly nice and for one reason or several never went anywhere. however, for someone in a female dominated field who often spends the most time with her couch at the end of a long work day and not out in the world, online dating makes sense. the pool of men on online, however, leaves much wanting. I kept thinking, if one more guy posts a shirtless mirror selfie or a picture of him holding a fish, I'm deleting my account. it happened. I deleted my account.

so here I sit. in a position I didn't "choose" to be in (single) but nonetheless have remained in for years. so much so that most of my friends only know of me in this way. so much so that people don't even ask anymore about it because it's always the same. so much so that I've now created my realistic personal ad.

I'm looking for someone who is honest, loves God, works hard, has good teeth, takes care of themselves physically, is taller than me, wants children (duh), doesn't smoke or do drugs, only responsibly drinks, and will go to the park to play and leave the chores at home for later. I'm ready to listen to someone's troubles and care and remember details about their life and check in to see how they are. to get to know someone's family and see all the connections they've built and see the kaleidoscope of what they mean to other people and how their life has impacted them. I want to lay on my sectional lazily watching Netflix with the captions on- with someone. I want to run errands and leave my daughter in the car while I pick up pizza because there's someone I trust in the car with her. I want someone to tag me out and say "you look tired- I'm doing the dishes tonight" or taking a turn having Bee label body parts on them so I can breathe and not be touched constantly. I want to notice new gray hairs in someone or when they gain 5 pounds over the holidays and reassure them it doesn't change a relationship or who they are as a person. I want to travel to Greece and New York City and Mexico and explore with someone I care deeply enough about to make it worth leaving my daughter for these trips. I want to have matching family Halloween costumes. I want to have a strong male figure in Bee's life that will hopefully, someday, eventually, be somebody she can call Daddy. I want someone to put their hand in my back pocket like Peter Kavinsky (TATBILB always). I want to love, and be loved.