& I can’t even eat chocolate.

It’s been a month filled with lots of changes, mostly all awesome, and I mostly don’t know how to capture it all except in a blog. Many people knew that my job had been a source of unhappiness for months and I was longing to be back in Early Intervention, making a difference in any small way I can doing work I’m passionate about. 10 months and 9 interviews later, I’m finally home! Back in Lucas County working in EI.

The week before I started the new job, I took a week to get house projects done and spend time with B before our new normal began. I chose to get rid of her pacifier that week as well. She’s been doing great not asking for it and sleeps pretty well- however, she now only sleeps the exact same hours I need to. 9:30/10 ish to 6:15. I literally don’t get a moment at home to myself anymore. Since I took away paci, B is also really rattled trying to get to sleep each night and she wants to suck on the stuffed animal body that remains of her pacifier (chicken). Tonight the smell of said stuffed animal was so awful even after washing it for the 70th time, I threw it away when she wasn’t looking. Bedtime was tough. I’m ordering magnesium gummies on Amazon as I type.

One of the house projects I was working on was finishing organizing the guest bedroom- it’s fully set up now with the crib and changing table in addition to my guest bed in there, and the biggest part of me is so ready to take another foster placement and be a loving parent to a child who needs a safe place to live. Buttttttt the part that makes the rational decisions is so frustrated already by B’s sleep habits (I have to lay with her until she falls asleep), and God knows how I’d manage bedtime with a baby and a toddler. I know people do (Laura and Rachel are not real humans they’re loving robots I’m convinced of it). But I don’t know that I can. So for now I keep replying to my case worker’s emails asking if I can take a placement- ‘Not yet. Maybe by Thanksgiving. Just not yet.’

When B finally goes to sleep each night and I rouse myself out of her bed, I enjoy having a few minutes to watch TV and eat some ice cream or a cookie (5). It’s the only time each day I’m not working or keeping a 2 year-old alive. However, about 2 months ago I bit down on a Skittle (how dare you, Skittles) and cracked an old filling I had, causing pain every time I had crunchy, cold or hot foods or used a straw. During my week off I finally had my dentist appt. and they found I’d cracked a piece of my tooth under the filling and it was lodged in my gun- that was causing the pain- so they hoped. A million dollars and lots of pain later, I was sent on my way. Only to have the pain not go away- and now I have the same pains on the opposite side of my mouth- and the biggest kicker of all is now sugar is the worst to eat and hurts the worst on both sides. I can’t even enjoy chocolate! Sensitive toothpaste has so far not helped so we’ll wait for some dental insurance to kick in and hopefully have a fix for it eventually.

I know I’ll be laughing about all of this someday, right? At least now I can’t wait for work on a Mondays again :)

Mid evening bike ride